Warning SignsDomestic Violence

1. S/he hurts your feelings by:                            

Saying mean things to you
Making fun of you
Ignoring your ideas and feelings
Interrupting you when you are speaking
Acting angry or sulking when you ask something

2. S/he tries to decide:

How you dress
How you wear your hair
Who your friends are
Where you can go when you are together
Where you can and cannot go when s/he is not around

3. S/he gets jealous for no reason as a way to:

Vent his/her anger
Control you by making you feel responsible

4. S/he doesn’t see men and woman as equal to each other and shows you by:

Making jokes about the other sex
Acting like s/he is better or smarter than you or your friends
Disrespecting his/her other sex parent or siblings

5. S/he gets jealous for no reason as a way to:

“loosen-up” and have a “good time”
“lose control” (and be unable to care for or control yourself)

6. S/he gets angry very easily and it makes you:

Feel like things are your fault
Feel you have to be careful of everything you say or do in order
Feel you have to be careful of everything you say or do in order to not to hurt his/her feelings

7. S/he enjoys being cruel to:              

Other people

8. S/he violates your privacy by:

Reading your letters from friends without permission
Going through you purse, wallet, or book bag without permission

9. When it comes to kissing and touching s/he:

Puts the focus on the kissing and touching
Sits too close to you
Tries to get you alone where there is not one there to help you
Touches you without asking
Keeps touching you when you tell him/her to stop
Makes you feel like you have hurt his/her feelings if you do not give into his/her advances
Uses his/her body to make you feel overpowered
Blocks our path if you try to leave
Brushes against you or gropes you
Forces himself/herself on you in anyway
Grows “extra hands” when you start kissing

10. When s/he is around, you feel:

Afraid to be yourself
Over powered, closed-in, or unsafe

** If someone you date exhibits these behaviors, LOOSE THEM! You do not need anyone in your life who does not treat you with the respect you deserve.**

Help One AnotherHere are some ways to help a friend who is being abused:

Set up a time to talk.
Try to make sure you have privacy and won't be distracted or interrupted.

Let your friend know you're concerned about her safety. Be honest. Tell her about times when you were worried about her. Help her see that what she's going through is not right. Let her know you want to help.

Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Tell her that she is not alone, and that people want to help.

Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help her with childcare, or to provide transportation, for example.

Don't place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don't say, "You just need to leave." Instead, say something like, "I get scared thinking about what might happen to you." Tell her you understand that her situation is very difficult.

Help her make a safety plan. Safety planning includes picking a place to go and packing important items.

Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court.

If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. Your friend may decide to stay in the relationship, or she may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.

Encourage your friend to do things outside of the relationship. It's important for her to see friends and family.

If your friend decides to leave, continue to offer support. Even though the relationship was abusive, she may feel sad and lonely once it is over. She also may need help getting services from agencies or community groups.

Keep in mind that you can't "rescue" your friend. She has to be the one to decide it's time to get help. Support her no matter what her decision.

Let your friend know that you will always be there no matter what.

Information compiled from: http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being.cfm